I just got back from Blockbuster. On the way home I was reading the plethora of receipts (which I can only assume we had received because Blockbuster, in association with The Comic Book Companies and the Druids, is trying to take control of the...Goldfish Fanciers?! STUPID ILLUMINATI CARDS!)
Anyway, I noticed that on one of them it said that I have 42,798 mysterious little enigmas that the locals only describe as "auction tokens".
I thought, "HOORAH! I have tons of auction tokens!...Uhh, what are they for?"
Mildred, the local witchdoctor, old me the legend of the auction tokens and I'll try to remember it as accurately as possible for you:
Long ago, when penguins roamed the earth...a collossal "plop" was heard, the sky opened up, and out dropped millions of little shiny things. The penguins were confused but began collecting them anyway (because they were shiny and had little heart shaped tags with poems inside)
Many years later, during the great war that almost wiped out all the penguins on earth, a scientist that would later be known as Wonk Wonk Wonk (or Wonk The Enlightened when translated into English) discovered that the shiny things (which had lost their value when penguins got bored of them) could be used as weapons by shooting them into the air and hoping that they would land on the enemies' heads.
Using this technique the penguins ruled by King Wonk defeated those ruled by Emperor Wonk. King Wonk was declared to be Wonk Wonk Wonk Wonk Wonk Wonk Wonk Wonk Wonk Wonk Wonk Wonk Wonk Wonk Wonk Wonk Wonk Wonk. (This can be roughly translated to: Wonk The Great King Who Led Us To Defeat The Other Guys By Squashing Them Into Tiny Bits)
Unfortunately for the surviving penguins, they were left too weak from the war to defeat the greater threat of mammals who easily took over the planet.
The shiny things, scattered from their use as weapons, layed dormant until Blockbuster found them and decided to give them out to people without telling them. No one knows why Blockbuster did this but it was they who gave the shiny things their current name of Auction Tokens.
To this day, their existance is known of by few and their use is known by even fewer. It is rumored that only those who control Blockbuster know the true power of Auction Tokens.
I'm devoting my life to figuring out what the heck what they do and if their purpose is evil then I will foil Blockbuster's plot of spreading them around the globe.
Or I might just sleep the rest of the summer...either way's good.
Posted by Paul at July 2, 2003 09:53 PM