Tolkien Baseball

So, I lied. But my fingers were crossed whilst typing.

In response to an e-mail from Cableman…

Aaarrrrggggggg: MUST STOP THINKING OF TOLKIEN BASEBALL NAMES!!!!

…Sgt. Grump developed our new league theme song to the tune of Terry Cashman’s Talkin’ Baseball (Willie, Mickey and The Duke).

UPDATE: Here’s an mp3 of the version Cashman did for the Simpsons. Talkin Softball.mp3

Warning: Only a minimal attempt has been made to maintain proper rhyming or timing…


“Tolkien Baseball”

Verse 1:
The Fellowship had won it,
Frodo Baggins had done it,
And Samwise stewed the coneys all the while.
The Age of Man was bein’ born,
Evil doers we would scorn,
So down at The Pony the National Pastime went on trial.

Chorus:
We’re Tolkien’ baseball (Kazadum, Minis Tirith),
Tolkien’ baseball (Mirkwood and The Shire),
Mankind, The Hobbits and the orcs,
They knew ’em all over Middle Earth,
Especially Bilbo, Samwise and Frodo.

Verse 2:
Well Gandalf was winnin’,
Strider was beginnin’,
One race goin’ out, one comin’ in.
Bilbo an’ slimey Gollum,
Meriadoc an’ Pippen,
An’ orcs were the only ones winnin’ down in Moria.

Chorus:
We’re Tolkien’ baseball (Kazadum, Minas Tirith),
Tolkien’ baseball (Mirkwood and The Shire),
Mankind, The Hobbits and the Elves,
They knew ’em all over Middle Earth,
Especially Bilbo, Samwise and Frodo.

Bridge:
Now my old friend The Gaffer,
Well he swore he was Sam’s father,
An’ Bilbo left home to go an’ see the Elves
An’ me I always love pipeweed
Those were the days.

Verse 3:
Well now it’s the Fourth Age,
An’ Gandalf is the greatest,
An’ Hobbits can live for evermore.
Gimli loves an Elf,
Legolas wants an Ent,
An’ the great Ellesar is ruling again down in Gondor.

Chorus:
I’m Tolkien’ baseball (like Old Tom, Goldenberry),
Tolkien’ baseball (Peregrin and Merry),
Elrond, Galadriel an’ all those,
If The Sea is callin’ it’s time to go,
They’ll be with Bilbo, Samwise and Frodo.

Fade Out:
Bilbo, Samwise and Frodo,..
(One Ring! One Ring! One Ring!)
It was Bilbo, Samwise and Frodo,..
(One Ring! One Ring! One Ring!)
I’m Tolkien’ Bilbo, Samwise and Frodo,..
(One Ring! One Ring! One Ring!)
Bilbo, Samwise and Frodo,..
(One Ring! One Ring! One Ring!)
Say Bilbo, Samwise and Frodo,..
(One Ring! One Ring! One Ring!)

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One Response to Tolkien Baseball

  1. Linkmeister says:

    I have two original (pre-“Talkin’ Baseball”) Cashman and West albums on vinyl. This gratuitous information brought to you by Electra/Asylum.

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