Yep, that’s just what we need. Less guvmint puttin’ all them rules on God-fearin’ bizness. If people would just stop buying salmonella-laden eggs, then the free market would take care of the problem!

The rules were first developed in the 1990s during the Clinton administration but languished at the Food and Drug Administration through the George W. Bush presidency. The FDA announced in July 2009 that it was finally imposing the rules but allowed farms a year to come into compliance.

Surprise, surprise…

I also found that someone taped them performing on the back of a truck on a street in Vancouver. But just watch the videos a couple of times. The first time listen to the awesome sound coming out of this four piece band. The 12-string guitar makes the sound so full, and the harmonies are vintage Everly Brothers. The second time watch what’s going on around them. People just walk on by like nothing’s happening. Sigh. The fools. My God, people! Billy Cowsill was on the freaking Johnny Cash Show! What the hell? I don’t profess to be 1/1000th of the talent of Billy Cowsill, but this is the reality of playing in a band for 99 percent of musicians. For every awesome night with a crowd in the palm of your hands there are ten where you sound like the most amazing thing ever…and everyone acts like you’re not even there.

Just as I grab the hot new release of WordPress for Android that includes the ability to do WYSIWYG on the phone, the fan on my video card dies on my PC. So, despite my mocking and scoffing at the idea of blogging via phone (see previous post), it is my new, sole method of making a post, short of using work equipment or setting foot inside a library (if such things still exist).

Pocket brain Android, you win this round.

Wow. If I never believed in the power of fads and blind Apple devotion before, the lunatic fawning over the iPad by the media does the trick. What a load of crap!

Exactly how “revolutionary” is a giant iPod Touch that doesn’t make phone calls, can’t play most videos on the internet, can’t multitask, has a big “scratch me!” uncovered screen, requires a hardwired link to another PC and makes you use Apple’s iTunes, iBooks, iMonopoly, etc., just to get your own picture of Grandma on it?

Even the dumb “look! I can flip pages by waving my finger! can your Kindle do that?” argument is countered with “uh, no, but I can with my Nook!”

Personally, I think Pee Wee has the right idea…

For everyone who has mindlessly followed the raving lunacy of Glenn Beck and the corporate shilling of Fox News, this is it. Here’s your “Armageddon”:

1. For young people–You’ll be allowed to stay on your parents’ group plan or individual policy until you’re 26.
2. For people buying new private plans–Preventive services will be free, with no co-pays or deductibles.
3. For early retirees–You’ll get access to an insurance risk pool, at lower cost, if you’re retired, between 55 and 64 and not in a retiree group plan.
4. For the uninsured of all ages–You, too, get immediate access to a temporary high-risk pool until the new insurance exchanges are in place.
5. For the seriously ill–The bill bans insurance companies from the reprehensible (and, for them, highly profitable) practice of canceling the policies of people who get an expensive illness. (Rescission)
6. For small businesses–Tax credits of up to 35 percent for firms that choose to offer health coverage to their employees. That’s effective immediately.
7. For seniors–If you’re on a Medicare drug plan and need a lot of prescription drugs, the House would give you a $250 rebate this year when you hit the “donut hole.”

Run for the hills, America. We’re all gonna die, because the insurance companies are being told what they can and cannot do. Puhleez.

There are plenty of things wrong with this health care bill. For one thing, there are few alternatives to private insurance. Requiring everyone to have health insurance should (theoretically) lower costs, but only if the big, bad government finds the will to enforce that. Otherwise, all the insurance companies will do is raise prices due to government mandates, and we’ll be back where we started…with people choosing to pay the fine for not having health insurance because it’s cheaper than paying premiums.

And the whole bit about putting the burden of health insurance on employers has been a bad idea for a long time. We don’t make the boss deal with our car insurance or our homeowners insurance, do we? Why has a benefit that some employers offered to lure workers morphed into a mandate that they deal with this crap? (This American Life did a fantastic piece on how we got into this mess. Please, listen to it.)

So, instead of making people buy their own insurance and helping those who can’t, or (God forbid) just having something like Medicare for everyone, as 99% of the rest of the civilized world, we’re heaping more crap onto businesses…which is part of the reason you haven’t gotten a raise in forever and there’s so much unemployment, Mr. and Mrs. America. But at least we don’t have scary socialism! (One of the funniest things to me is that this whole “kill the bill” lunacy was robbed of the great American war cry: “If this passes, I’m moving to Canada!”)

However, this is not the end of the world. Despite all the fear mongering going on by those getting paid to keep the insurance companies fat and happy, the storm troopers aren’t coming to your door. Gays and lesbians aren’t going to come around and kill grandma and/or eat your babies. The sun will come out tomorrow (gah, now I’ve got that stuck in my head!).

Take a chill pill, America. Maybe someday you’ll be able to afford one.

Here’s the 2009 Funny 25 from Dr. Demento’s December 27 show:

#25 I Like – Heathen Dan
#24 Dungeons And Dragons – The Dead Alewives
#23 Dementia Revolution – the great Luke Ski & MC Lars
#22 Marvel Poppins – the great Luke Ski f/ Carrie Dahlby
#21 Where I’m Keeping You – Robert Lund f/ Mercy Malick

#20 Viagra In The Waters – Camille West
#19 Bye Bye W. – Steve Goodie
#18 Skipper Dan – “Weird Al” Yankovic
#17 Tweeting On A Jet Plane – Steve Goodie

#16 CNR – “Weird Al” Yankovic
#15 Whatever You Like – “Weird Al” Yankovic
#14 Vampires Suck – Odd Austin f/ Devo Spice
#13 10,000 Friends On MySpace – Project Sisyphus f/ Bob Ricci

#12 USF’nA (Geographically Correct Version) – Baldbox f/ Possible Oscar
#11 Late For School – Steve Martin
#10 Al’s Band – Al’s Band
#9 Fish Heads – Barnes & Barnes
#8 Moo Moo Cow – Seamonkey

#7 Craigslist – “Weird Al” Yankovic
#6 Keep On Trekkin’ – Whimsical Will
#5 Duet With A Klingon – Carla Ulbrich f/ Randy Crenshaw
#4 Platform Wars – Devo Spice f/ the great Luke Ski & Dual-Core

#3 Gamer Funk – Rob Balder
#2 Too Much Stuff – the great Luke Ski

#1 Save Me, Obama – Robert Lund

This show is available for online listening at drdemento.com.

Three songs were already on the Top 100, and they all moved up a notch or two. “Fish Heads” inched closer to the #1 spot, and I suspect it will overtake Dead Puppies soon. “Viagra in the Waters” went from #19 to #17, passing Squirrels and the other Ogden Edsl hit, Kinko the Clown. And “Dungeons and Dragons” took over sole possession of the #25 spot, pushing Jeff Jaison’s Friendly Neighborhood Narco Agent down to #26.

The two new songs on the 100 are Weird Al’s “Whatever You Like” (which enters at #78, tied with his own Bedrock Anthem) and this year’s #1 song, “Save Me, Obama” by Robert Lund.